Dear Internet: Letters from an Editor

Dear Heidi Montag:

Seriously, of all the terribly retarded and useless things to do with your unearned cash, producing a crap-ass album shouldn't have been one of them. First of all, have you even listened to your single? Is it meant to be ironic? What exactly is the damn point here? Superficial is quite honestly one of the worst things I have ever heard. This by far surpasses Chocolate Rain, which was at least catchy and funny, not to mention Lindsay Lohan's Ultimate Music Video , which for all intensive purposes looks like a bad party on Long Island. (I can say that because I'm from there... so is she.)

Another thing. You looked perfectly fine before your ten surgeries. Not even just fine. You were cute. And now you're broke. What is the sense in that? Why couldn't you find a record company to pay for this? There's plenty of crappy ones laying around that would have taken your notoriety as collateral.

Well, I guess that's where it is. Not quite Britney and not really much of anything else.

Kind regards.