If you're not watching The Apprentice on Sunday nights at 9:00 PM EDT / 8:00 PM CDT, then you better crawl out of your hole. The Apprentice has, for the past few seasons, embarked on a tour de force of celebrity idiocy. Only next season will regular business people take the stage.
In any event, the past two seasons have been marked by stupidity, bitches, and, well, just regular lack of common sense. Not until now, however, has the every day rock n roller prevailed.
What rocker, you ask? Well none other than Bret Michaels, famed Rock of Love host, star, Poison front man, and weird girl catch. I personally love Rock of Love. It happens to be one of my all time favorite shows. Especially season one. I missed Rock of Love Bus. Getting back to my point. Bret, lovingly called the Rock of Love heretofore, is the best reality TV person for The Apprentice gig. Why? I'll tell you why, in ten simple statements:
1. Rock of Love puts on eyeliner better than Selita Ebanks. (Please note that I just learned that her last name was Ebanks. I thought that was a typo. EBanks makes me think of online banking applications, as in Chase and Citibank.)
2. "If you're gonna freak out, have a rock star freak out." 'Nough said. Bring on the PBR, Patron, strippers, hookers, Heroin, and, preferably, crack rocks.
3. Rock of Love says, "Dia-beet-us" rather than Diabetes. How's that for down home charm?
4. Bandanas. Every girl's greasy best friend.
5. "Michaels'[Rock of Love's] "Rock of Love" television series is one of the most successful in VH1's history. With three record-breaking seasons under his belt, Michaels is currently embarking on several other television projects, including the upcoming "Bret Michaels Show." That's a quote from The Apprentice website. Bitches.
6. See photo left.
This was presumably sexy at some point in history.7. He has more hair, and potentially more Estrogen, than Selita e-Banks (I'm changing this so she sounds like software), Cyndi Lauper, Sharon Osbourne, and Summer Sanders. (Did I miss Holly Robinson Peete? Who cares, she's worse than "watching ice melt".)
8. Goldberg: "You're only as good as your weakest link." And that be him. Damn good tree, but terrible otherwise.
9.See photo inset right.
Another version of sexy for you sleazoids.10. Every rose does have its thorn.
11. He's the only numbskull who will actually admit he doesn't understand something. Few and far between in real business and much appreciated. You go, Bret!
Rock on Rock of Love. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you.
Shelly
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Bret Michaels is an idiot. He spent the entire first episode whining about his Dia-beet-us to anyone who would listen. He only won that week cuz they were running a restaurant and he had a Chef on his team! He helped screw up the Blago disaster last week, although of course you have to blame the Project Manager for over-delegation (and cat-napping).
ReplyDeleteYou're just jealous of Ebanks cuz she's got it all - looks, smarts, motivation, and looks. And she looks great, too. She's done it all so far, and knocked it entirely out of the park. She's knows when she's just a role-player and keeps her mouth shut, not afraid to get down and dirty (like cutting potatoes and frying them to make delicious fries). She knows when she needs to step it up and take charge, like last week, when she totally kicked ass. She's yet to make a mistake.
BTW, Ebanks is from the Cayman Islands, so maybe her family is like all into the internet banking business, and that's how they got their name, who knows. Prediction - she wins. Cuz she's the smartest and best player. Although, I must say, Annie Duke should have won last year and was robbed! She was robbed I tell you!! I don't want to see another mistake like that. If Bret Michaels wins, I'm going to be really pissed, scream out in horror, and roll around on the floor for ten solid minutes, like last year when Joan Rivers was picked the winner.
One more thing - Michelle remember when I commented that Peete and Summer would team up and Sharon and Cyndi would team up and Maria Kanellis would be caught in the middle. Maria literally said exactly that in last week's episode! I'm so in tune with what the dill is.