Come on Bret.

Dear Internet,

For the past few days Max and I have been crazy for more news about Bret Michaels. Since Rock of Love, and now Celebrity Apprentice, I've been fairly enamored of Mr. Diabeetus, and now that he's had a subarachnoid aneurysm/hemorrhage, I am just sitting around wondering how my favorite B-list Celebrity Apprentice contender is going to make it through.

I'm a bit nervous. Perhaps he should lay off the bandanas for a while.

All joking aside, well at least sort of, this is a super scary thing. I wonder, and really Maxie Jean raised this, if The Donald is going to make an announcement prior to the start of this week's episode of The Apprentice? What can he say? Does he feel guilt because he went on a tirade about bandanas, how much he likes them, and if he were a rock'n'rolla he would wear one too? Imagine Donald's miraculous coif covered up by a red, pink or green bandana? It would be pretty amazing. And puffy.

Forget Cyndi Lauper and her roundabout storytelling, Curtis' uselessness, or the fact that Goldberg finally got fired after weeks of doing nothing. Please also forget the fact that I had an internal battle over who covered, Smokin' in the Boys Room (Motley Crue vs. Poison -- it was Motley Crue) on the Red Line, that I woke up with neon green relish in my hair and mustard in my fingernails (rough night, closed with Hot Dogs), and that I really can't wait for 8:00 PM CDT to come.

Donald's celebrity star player (post shoot, of course) is sitting in ICU waiting for some doctors to give him a prognosis better than Livin' for the Minute.



Keep your hands clasped in prayer and your insulin needles within reach. We're holding a Bret Michaels vigil.

Shelly D.

Bret Michaels: The Best Project Manager Ever? Part Deux

Dear Internet,

Rather than respond to Max's comments within the page, I decided to do it here:

First off, my delayed response is due to the fact that I work in a heavily regulated industry and we have websites blocked. My blog, apparently, being one of them.

Second, did you see how old some of the Harry Potter weirdos were? Like 30. Too old for Houses.

On to the discourse:

1. I am not jealous of Selita eBanks. She certainly has got looks, as I so stated. But the tasks on Apprentice are no brainers and these morons treat it like it's the most difficult buttload ever. So you've got two of three: looks, motivation, but she's hardly the smartest. In fact, they're all fairly dumb.

2. There's no such thing as a role player. They're called failures. What has she knocked out of the park? Both of the teams, in my opinion, were lacking. And of course the women didn't market what was most important in the task: THE FUCKING RIDE. No point in a 3-D interactive display without that, and if memory so serves me, the men did. I will give the women credit, they did have a nice display. And, getting back to the point of kicking ass, Bret fills in all the gaps, asks for things to do, even if he is a sissy and about to go into diabetic shock during it.

3. Cutting potatoes isn't getting down and dirty. Have you worked in a restaurant? That's premium kitchen duty when compared to dish washing.

4. You should always step it up, it's not a question of need. Success in business is about filling in the gaps always, not just when you think it's necessary.

5. Restaurant Challenge: The men didn't win only because there was a chef on the team. They won because they were savvy enough (and had the foresight) to over-charge (by $290) for hamburgers, whereas the women were going for volume. Wrong game, wrong day, wrong analysis.

Bret Michaels == Joan Rivers. My next best, when she finally comes out of her Dayquil/NyQuil super enlarged pupil haze, is Sharon Osbourne. She manages Ozzy, for crying out loud.

Enough said,
Shelly