Scrappy Hard at Work

Dear Internet,

Per our earlier conversation here is an update: Scrappy is still quite hard at work today. Creating flow charts, writing emails, and of course, eating paper. All in a day's work as they say. How on earth, however, does one get Scrappy to lay down so that I can see at least one of two monitors?

Please advise at your earliest convenience.

Regards,

March of the Train Pigs

Dear Genius Who Created Train Pigs:

You are an uncommon genius. The creation of the Train Pigs website is seriously one of the greatest things ever. You should win a Nobel Prize for it.

First off, no one should ever eat on a train, bus, commuter rail, or anywhere that doesn't include a table, or in rare occasions, a park bench. If it doesn't nauseate you to see some pig (totally accurate) sloppily dining on an egg sandwich, hamburger, bag of french fries, falafel,or worst case scenario, beef with broccoli, then there is something seriously wrong with you. Why must you smother me with your disgusting acrid smells, emanating from bags made of partially recycled paper or wrapping made of Reynolds Wrap. Your hands are greasy, sliding up and down the hand rails, doors, and straps that adorn our buses, subways, and tram systems. Although I hate watching people eat on public transit, I am ecstatic that someone has liberated me from quietly condescending.

Kind regards.