Do it in the Facebook. Do it in the Twitterer. But not with Barack on LinkedIn.

Dear Internet,

It's pretty much a fact that everyone and their mother is all gaga over all of these social networking thingers. That's not really news. I don't partake beyond this, even though I briefly tried Twitter and have a LinkedIn page, I don't do the whole Facebook and MySpace thing. Really, I'm so out of touch I don't even know if people use MySpace anymore, but I don't really care either. The one component I do like about any of these things is the voyeurism. But that's a different story.

In any event, I've been listening to everyone talk about how awesome LinkedIn is, so I figured I'd try to boost my connections by linking with people who have a buttload of connections. (In Canada they say shitwhack, but I prefer buttload.) The main reason for this was because as I was looking people up I received messages like "Out of Your Network", which under normal circumstances would be fine, but this is the fucking Internet. In any event, I thought I had a foolproof plan: link in with the President of the United States, Barack Obama. I figured he knows a ton of people so he can help me meet my goals of 500+ business contacts too. Well, I was wrong. Dead wrong.



So I got really excited and prepared to submit my request to connect to Barack. I was really nervous about it -- I didn't want him to think I was some ass that was using him to build contacts on LinkedIn, which of course I was. So I carefully crafted a message:

Dear Mr. President,

As a supporter and fellow Democrat, I hope you will accept my request to connect on LinkedIn. Keep pushing those crazies in Congress!

Best,
Shelly

Then I battled how to try to connect with him. We never worked together for one. I do live on his street in Chicago, but that wasn't one of the radio button options available. I was too lazy to look up his White House email and we didn't go to college together. So what is a girl to do? Only request him on LinkedIn as a friend. So I did.

And I waited. And waited. And I'm still waiting. I don't really know why he or any of his jerk off staff members running social media down in Washington haven't responded. Am I not American enough? Are my credentials so crappy? Are they inundated with LinkedIn requests? Why is Facebook taking priority over the good of middle class business people? How can he not want to connect with me?

I am having a serious problem with this. I'm just trying to do what any good, hard working American would do, and relentlessly try to get as much out of the government as possible; if that means being friends on LinkedIn with Barack then I am going to do that. Well, my request is still open and unfulfilled. Thanks a lot. And furthermore, NO WE CAN'T.

To be totally honest, I really think it's Rahm Emanuel's fault. That son of a bitch. He's probably got the password and keeps the account on lock down because he doesn't want some awesome lady like me swooping in and becoming Chief of Staff. First off, enough of the M&Ms. I would have bowls of hot awesome popcorn around the White House, PBR on tap, and a hot dog (please, Chicago Style) guy roaming the halls outside of the Oval Office. This is obviously the fear, so Barack, I am making an appeal to you to take back your LinkedIn account and become my colleague.

WWPOTATF,
Shelly