Three Inch Stacked Heels and The Damage Done

Dear Internet,

Rather than try to offer an explanation of the pain in my calves and the balls of my feet in a straight up blog post, I have composed a ballad to the tune of "Needle and the Damage Done," by Neil Young to express the unforgiving ache that has taken over the lower half of my body since deciding that going back to work in an office and wearing heels for 3 out of 5 days is the best way to live life.

For those of you who do not regularly wear heels, beware. It is a common and ridiculous tradition of women. This decision to wear heels isn't only for fashion, it is for height, posture, and the wonderful butt-lift that high heeled shoes provide. This week I adorned a pair of black three-inch knee high boots as well as a pair of mottled gray booties, also with three-inch stacked heel. On a Friday no less. At least I had the presence of mind to bring a pair of sneakers for the 3/4 of a mile walk from S. Wacker and Monroe to Congress and Plymouth to meet some new cats.

And so it goes:

Three-Inch Stacked Heels and the Damage Done
*Please remember the mournful tone of these lyrics.

You heard me clompin
down the street Monroe,
I look so fancy
but can barely walk anymore
Ooh, Ooh, the damage done.

I hit the corner and
lost my balance
I watched the stacked heel
force another slant.
Gone, gone, my footing
on the floor.

I sing this song
because I love these shoes.
And I know that some of you don't understand,
Because red blood,
Squeezes out of my toe.

I've worn the three-inch stacked heel
and seen the damage done.
A little pain racin' up my calf,
And every step like a
shitty model's strut.

Granted, this lyrical poem is crappy and doesn't really keep tune appropriately, but I'm not going to really work on it anymore because I have beer to drink and Indian food to eat.

Shelly