Of Football and Taxes: Even Ziggy Stardust and Booze Can't Help

Dear Internet,

I've had a seriously delayed reaction to yesterday's Super Bowl. While I sat through the fourth quarter, which, to be completely honest, is the only quarter I watched, I looked on in dismay at The Indianapolis Colts and Peyton Manning and thought, WAIT A MINUTE! I wasn't having that reaction because I actually fully understand football, or because I finally realized what was going on, or because I realized I had drank too much and thought I was having DTs, or because I was tired and had a headache. I realized that I was being more self-absorbed and angry to actually watch the game or even write a new post. Too self-absorbed to right a blog post? Whoa!?

So now, at this time of night, my post is far from relevant, and in fact it's a little boring, but I feel the need to point out a couple of things about the game to end all games. I'm not actually talking about football either. Why would I? Kim Kardashian was missing from TV shots (at least the ones I saw) and I didn't even know Jeremy Shockey was on The Saints until he scored a touchdown. So, without further adieu, here are the highlights:

1. Charles Barkley should lay off the Taco Bell.



Did anyone else notice that this once supreme athlete now loves Tacos and Gorditas? For Pete's Sake, Charles. Give the kids something to work with. Not Tiger Woods Disasters and Tacos. What comes in this box that rocks, that rocks? A Cheesy Gordita crunched to munch... a $5 box that sticks to your butt, stomach, and thighs. Enough is enough. Oh yea, and why are you running for Governor of Alabama?

2. Anyone going to the Go Daddy website to see the uncut version of their Super Bowl commercial is not buying domains or SSL certificates.



I highly doubt that the majority of Americans watching the Super Bowl have any idea what an SSL Certificate or a domain is, or what either is used for. So while the commercials are vaguely interesting, and I suppose dirty (I never bothered to go to GoDaddy.com to find out if they were because I don't need a domain or an SSL certificate), they serve no overall purpose. I really want to know if there is a spike in sales of SSL Certificates. Or if anyone is getting anything out of this. It makes me tired just thinking about it. Go Marketing!

3. Never do your taxes on Super Bowl Sunday. Also, never do your taxes yourself.

On Saturday I mentioned that I had learned that my company's HR manager decided that I didn't need to pay Illinois state taxes, even though I was living there. I only learned this after I decided it was time to open my W-2.

Every year I (and of course you if you are working and/or are not self-employed) get this piece of paper that tells me how much money I made and how much money I paid in taxes. That part of it is fine for me. I mean, thanks for the summary and update: I forgot how little I earn. The part that really ticks me off is that every year I have the same reaction,

"Are they f-ing kidding me? Is that what I'm worth? I kill myself for these jerks?! What the fuck are they thinking? I'm not doing anything anymore!!!!!"

The number of exclamation points used above is for re-enactment purposes and to make me look less infantile and crazy. I probably used more and was a lot less coherent and logical. This same thing happens every year, and this year was no different, except I was on the edge of psychotic break or something or other they say on Criminal Minds(I have no idea when they changed the logo) because I might have to pay taxes to a different state! On top of that, this year I decided to do my own taxes. Which, by the way, unless you're Max and begin the entire process with a fifth of rum, diet coke, some ice, a pack of Winstons, and some David Bowie, there is really no reason to proceed because you're just going to end up more insane than you already were.


So Sunday, for all intensive purposes, was terrible. I harassed Mike, who is not an accountant, about how to file in two states, ranted about how I should be an anarchist, cursed Barack Obama because I have to pay taxes at all, yelled that my company's HR person is an Autistic Spectrum Reject, and drank most of the Old Style in the house. So just around the 4th quarter, I decided, maybe I should watch this game... And I was disappointed again. I'm actually still upset about it, which is why this post is so shitty.

I'm sorry,
Shelly